Escape.

    I love television. I have no shame in that statement.  I really, unabashedly, just really like TV. Blame it on being a latchkey kid and an only child or whatever, but I grew up watching possibly more TV than I should and I love it. I will re-re-re watch my favorite shows over and over. Thank you DVD! In the prehistoric days of VHS, I would tape so much weirdness, and watch it again and again. I'm surprised if some of my old "X-Files" tapes even still work. I've lived on less money for most of my adult life so I can have cable or satellite in my apartments, and It's made me happy to do that. Normally, my morning routine involved at least a good hour of CNN while I was getting ready. I loved knowing what was going on in the world as I got ready to face it myself.
    Now, the problem is I have little access to TV. I have a TV set here in the cave with me, but it's not hooked up to cable. As someone who was a at least one show a night watcher, I've dropped to just two shows a week I keep up on. I just don't care anymore. I don't follow shows I've invested several years worth of watching anymore. It just seems like too much anymore. I think part of it is that several of those shows were ones that Husband and I would watch together. Something we would laugh at or be emotionally involved in, and something we would discuss with our friends. Now that it's just me, I can't make myself be involved anymore. There are times it takes all of my motivation to leave the basement, and go upstairs to watch a show with my parents. Movies are worse. Luckily, I've been working on a throw with some very complicated intarsia  on it that I can work on while I watch shows with my parents, and it helps me not have to focus all the way on a show. Somehow, that distance makes it easier on me. It's like a cushion between me and everything else.
    Problem number two is that I will see something on TV, something stupid and it makes me hurt. An insurance commercial: I think I will never be able to get the truth about our car insurance out of Husband and now that I'm unemployed and broke I will never have a chance to get a new car. A show set in the future makes me think I could have a child that would be about that age as a main character, but I will never have a child and in the year this show is set I will be old and alone. Anything with any sort of love story makes me angry. I will never find someone who would be attracted to me, so I hate to see anyone else, even fictional people, find someone. A show set in a workplace makes me question why I'm such a screw-up who can't seem to find a decent job. A reality show? I see people who are paid more money than I will ever see in my entire life to be an idiot onscreen.
    I get that this is envy. I understand I'm projecting my anger and hurt onto things that are not applicable to how I feel. I know I sound like a stupid emo teenager. I get all this. It just sucks that something that used to make me so happy on such a simple level makes me hurt so bad anymore.
    Thank heavens for Netflix. Depressing British dramas? Yes, please. Everyone on those shows seem to be miserable, messed up, and nothing ever ends happily That is exactly what I need, and how I feel.

Lazy. Lazy, lazy Hilary

  So, I haven't blogged in almost 3 months. I am aware I am made of suck, thank you very much. So let's do the run down. 1) Chris did not get the job in NYC. Which was not that great, but not too bad in the long run.   We still have a nice place to live, he has a job he loves and we don't have to move across the country. 2) the holidays were nice and quiet. We did Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents. Nice and mellow. 3) I think I have caught every single strain of the flu that has flitted about the call center that Chris works at. It's not his fault, he's great at sanitizing himself and his workspace. What it is is a combo of  my lack of an immune system and disgusting agents that work for him. Not the ones directly under him, but the ones on the customer service battle front. I've seen all the "cover your mouth when you sneeze" ect. things promoted at his work. It's hard to understand the mindset of  using up all of one's sick days in like two months(they get 12) and then coming to work while you are so ill. I was never in a job where I could even call in sick to work, let alone have sick days available. I also only seemed to work in some sort of draconian nightmare of a work place. But, I know the place Chris works at is a draw for college kids with no work ethic and meth users who are running out of unemployment, so you don't always seem to get the best of this area working there. There is a reason I call this place "Methatello".

  I feel like I've passed into full on shut in status as of late. I mean, I bought two new pairs of sweatpants in my last shopping trip. My personal rule is to never wear sweats out of the house. Okay, going to a gym is fine, but not spending all day out and about in them. Especially if you are over 18 and not in a school sport of some kind. Or on a massive road trip. Yes, I do have a list of things and places one can't go in sweats. I am kind of a judgy-judgington about this.

  Alright, on that pompous note here's cats!

 This is Zeus being grumpy that I moved from the bed. He either sleeps above my pillow or between Chris and I . His latest thing is under the blankets during the arctic winter we've been having.

This is an older one of Ares with his cute little tongue, just hanging out. This was end of the the day of Free Comic Book Day. AKA nerd Christmas as you can see from the haul the big 'un is just chilling on. Ares is my  best pal to hang out with during the day. I feel less crazy talking to a cat than just myself.

A big ol' bag of basmati rice.

 So,  in the weeks since my last post life has been in a holding pattern. The job interview that Chris had for the job in NYC went well. Very well. Stupid extra double plus(I'm also bringing NewSpeak back) well. He's had video meeting, long phone interviews, and phone calls with the CEO. So, the position is down to him and some other dude, who I'm sure is a nice guy. I just want other dude to not get this job. I think. Okay, honestly, I'm insanely proud of my husband for his general level of amazing-ness. The thing is, I'm intimidated by moving to that big of a city. Chris and I keep saying that we're just country bumpkins from Idaho. I think the fact that he's not from the city and not part of the corporate culture is a plus in his favor. When he spoke to the CEO once Chris mentioned his childhood of working with horses and moving cattle. Here, that's a whole bunch of nothing. Apparently, Mr. Big Guy In Charge thought that was really interesting. So, if novelty will carry him into this position, I will go out and get him one of those bolo ties(which I detest) and some cowboy boots.

  The problem with this potential new job is the fact that we've been told a decision would be made about 6 times now. Then someone, or someones on the board, couldn't decide. So, more questions would be posed to Chris. He would answer them like a boss, and then the wait. Repeat several times. Then the hurricane hit, and the time table got even more pushed back. So, it's not like I can be grumpy about that. The frustrating part is that we just can't plan ahead. We don't know if we'll even be living in the same state in a month. The worst part is I just can't make myself buy any food that would last beyond fruit and veggies. Example: we went grocery shopping to our local non-evil big box store(Costco) and there was a great buy on a decent size bag of basmati rice. We eat a lot of rice since I had to break up with wheat, and a semi-large bag would last the two of us for months. The problem is, since I would be parceling the rice into smaller amounts I really don't want to lug that across the country. I can't make myself pick up any new yarn or fabric from the craft store that is going out of business, buy a new book, or even get a season of a show because that would be one more thing I would have to pack up and move. And don't even get me started on what a nightmare it would be to move the kitties. Ares doesn't travel well. Period. Zeus would be better, but if he hears his brother being so sad, he'll start to cry too. Then I'll cry. Then Maggie laughed, she's such a trooper. Sorry, I've got a lot of random "Simpsons" quotes in my brain. Oh, and I always seem to see the horror stories of animals dying or being lost after flying with their people. So, I need that to obsess over.

So. With all that going on I'm just going to put up some cat cuteness.

 This is from last Halloween. Zeus is sitting next to the skull of Theobald the medically correct articulated skeleton that lives in our living room. It's a very long story how we ended up with him.

This is Ares sunning his bellymeats. I adore this picture.

Rad!

I'm bringing that word back. Apparently, by myself.  Life here is good. It's the most wonderful time of the year, take that Christmas. As much as I love autumn, I've been fighting the after-affect of the not as fun part of fall. Potato harvest. Growing up in a farming community, we would get two weeks off of school for harvest vacation. Since I didn't work in harvest I got two weeks of daytime TV and convenience foods. It was, in fact, rad. (Since it occurred in the '80's and early '90's I can use that word.)  The only problem is allergies from all the dirt in the air. Oh, and idiots driving spud trucks. You've got to love any area where a potato falling off a truck onto a car's windshield is a real safety risk. Anyway, so allergies hit today and I was baffled what was giving me fits of sneezing. The only fun bit is the strange little chirp noise Zeus makes every time I sneeze. Tomorrow, I'm headed to my parent's house that's about 1/2 an hour away. In Idaho terms, about 25 miles, and I will be driving right through so many fields.So, tonight, the first step is my favorite thing ever: Benadryl. With a Pepsi and ice cream chaser. Tomorrow, I'm gonna have to find something  non-drowsy or I'll be crashing out in the middle of quilt club. Oh, and it's the ugly fabric exchange with our quilt group, so I'm excited to see what I get.
   Okay, so now on with my kitties!

I enjoy this picture of Zeus because you can see his "fangs". My poor, little, sweet, fluffy, man has some seriously janked up teeth. Oh, and please excuse the pile of laundry next to him. I had to put down what I was folding to get this cute picture. Also, my BlackBerry's camera sucks.




This has been Ares' sleeping spot this summer. We've been calling it his Muppet. Earlier this summer, Chris was on the short list for a job in Frankfurt, Germany. He lived there for two years and speaks fluent German. I, however, can't. So, when it was looking like more and more of a potential possibility I kind of freaked out, and started trying to get my things and life in order. First step of that freak-out was to check out the yarn stash, which is mighty, and try and pare stuff down. I had so much of this purple eyelash yarn from some local craft store closing years ago, so I thought "hey, let's make a blanket." So, I began to knit. And knit. One night I set it down on the ground and spread it out to see how it looked and the inevitable craft law came into effect. This is the law that states "If there is a craft project set on the ground it will become an irresistible draw to a pet." So I just bound off what I had done and let Ares have it. Two months later, it is all beat to hell. It may need to be retired soon. Luckily, I have so much of this awful purple yarn.

So, Chris didn't get the job in Germany. Which I'm totally cool with, because while it would have been an amazing adventure, it would have been super intimidating. But he did just have an interview for a job in NYC today....

Sleep?

The insomnia monster has come to visit again. It's been pretty vocal this time, saying things like "Nope, no sleep til 3 am." or " no sleep until daylight." And, the insomnia monster brought an awesome gang this time. Such lovelies such as summer flu, hives from some hidden wheat source, 90 degree plus weather, and high fever. Oh! and let's not forget about the insomnia monster's best friend, anxiety.
One of the main factors that has helped out good ol' anxiety to settle in here is the fact that I feel like we're being overrun by box elder beetles. I've smooshed about 3 a day in the house, and countless more whenever I leave the building. Bugs of any kind = anxiety in the Hilary. I know intellectually that box elder beetles are harmless, just icky. The problem is I just can't handle them being in my house. I just can't. Depending on how many I've had to deal with in a day, and where they were in the house I could spend hours shaking and getting the shivers. I don't mind sending them to the big box elder tree in the sky, but bugs need to stay away from me.



However, here is Zeus.

Don't judge.

So, the fever that will not die has returned again. Woo for chronic illness. Anyway, the problem with being sick is that my mind is more than slightly cooked, and I end up watching horrible television. Today's choice is "Ancient Aliens". Now, this has been a frequent occurance for the last few months. It's the whole idea of  TV so bad it's good. And,wow, does this show fit that bill. It's all the logic leaps and bad history. And the dude with the hair. Oh, his hair.

This is Abby, my parent's gorgeous calico Frankenstein kitty. I call this her "I am overcome" face.  Or she's judging what I'm watching....

Really brain, really?

So, there are nights, like this one, where I just wake up.  Tonight, I kind of get why I'm awake at 4 am. I'm just hot and itchy. I almost feel like I have hives, similar to how I feel when I eat wheat gluten, but I've been good for the last few days. I just don't get my skin. It's almost like it's not really a part of me, but more of  some factor I've got to fight to survive.
  Therefore, I'm on the couch with a cold pack. Oh, didn't I tell you? I've got a fever over 100 degrees. Which has just been an extra bucket of fun in this summer heat. I am now of the mindset that if someone complains about the cold  and/or snow this winter(Idaho, it will happen) I might set them on fire. Then they'd be warm.
Well, that's the last of the night rage. Here is a few pictures of my darling cats:

This is Zeus helping us change our sheets. I think this one might be one of my favorite pictures of him. He is such a snuggle bug and will sleep either right next to Chris or above my pillow.

Here is Ares assisting me while I was cutting up t-shirts donated by my buddy Keith for a t-shirt rug. I love this picture because how clearly you can see the U between Are-bear's front paws. The shirt had a quote "Boondock Saints" so, if you know that film you know there is an awesome quote full of adult language. 

And here are the boys in full on "it's too damn hot" cat melting poses. Ares is above, Zeus below.