Escape.

    I love television. I have no shame in that statement.  I really, unabashedly, just really like TV. Blame it on being a latchkey kid and an only child or whatever, but I grew up watching possibly more TV than I should and I love it. I will re-re-re watch my favorite shows over and over. Thank you DVD! In the prehistoric days of VHS, I would tape so much weirdness, and watch it again and again. I'm surprised if some of my old "X-Files" tapes even still work. I've lived on less money for most of my adult life so I can have cable or satellite in my apartments, and It's made me happy to do that. Normally, my morning routine involved at least a good hour of CNN while I was getting ready. I loved knowing what was going on in the world as I got ready to face it myself.
    Now, the problem is I have little access to TV. I have a TV set here in the cave with me, but it's not hooked up to cable. As someone who was a at least one show a night watcher, I've dropped to just two shows a week I keep up on. I just don't care anymore. I don't follow shows I've invested several years worth of watching anymore. It just seems like too much anymore. I think part of it is that several of those shows were ones that Husband and I would watch together. Something we would laugh at or be emotionally involved in, and something we would discuss with our friends. Now that it's just me, I can't make myself be involved anymore. There are times it takes all of my motivation to leave the basement, and go upstairs to watch a show with my parents. Movies are worse. Luckily, I've been working on a throw with some very complicated intarsia  on it that I can work on while I watch shows with my parents, and it helps me not have to focus all the way on a show. Somehow, that distance makes it easier on me. It's like a cushion between me and everything else.
    Problem number two is that I will see something on TV, something stupid and it makes me hurt. An insurance commercial: I think I will never be able to get the truth about our car insurance out of Husband and now that I'm unemployed and broke I will never have a chance to get a new car. A show set in the future makes me think I could have a child that would be about that age as a main character, but I will never have a child and in the year this show is set I will be old and alone. Anything with any sort of love story makes me angry. I will never find someone who would be attracted to me, so I hate to see anyone else, even fictional people, find someone. A show set in a workplace makes me question why I'm such a screw-up who can't seem to find a decent job. A reality show? I see people who are paid more money than I will ever see in my entire life to be an idiot onscreen.
    I get that this is envy. I understand I'm projecting my anger and hurt onto things that are not applicable to how I feel. I know I sound like a stupid emo teenager. I get all this. It just sucks that something that used to make me so happy on such a simple level makes me hurt so bad anymore.
    Thank heavens for Netflix. Depressing British dramas? Yes, please. Everyone on those shows seem to be miserable, messed up, and nothing ever ends happily That is exactly what I need, and how I feel.

Lazy. Lazy, lazy Hilary

  So, I haven't blogged in almost 3 months. I am aware I am made of suck, thank you very much. So let's do the run down. 1) Chris did not get the job in NYC. Which was not that great, but not too bad in the long run.   We still have a nice place to live, he has a job he loves and we don't have to move across the country. 2) the holidays were nice and quiet. We did Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents. Nice and mellow. 3) I think I have caught every single strain of the flu that has flitted about the call center that Chris works at. It's not his fault, he's great at sanitizing himself and his workspace. What it is is a combo of  my lack of an immune system and disgusting agents that work for him. Not the ones directly under him, but the ones on the customer service battle front. I've seen all the "cover your mouth when you sneeze" ect. things promoted at his work. It's hard to understand the mindset of  using up all of one's sick days in like two months(they get 12) and then coming to work while you are so ill. I was never in a job where I could even call in sick to work, let alone have sick days available. I also only seemed to work in some sort of draconian nightmare of a work place. But, I know the place Chris works at is a draw for college kids with no work ethic and meth users who are running out of unemployment, so you don't always seem to get the best of this area working there. There is a reason I call this place "Methatello".

  I feel like I've passed into full on shut in status as of late. I mean, I bought two new pairs of sweatpants in my last shopping trip. My personal rule is to never wear sweats out of the house. Okay, going to a gym is fine, but not spending all day out and about in them. Especially if you are over 18 and not in a school sport of some kind. Or on a massive road trip. Yes, I do have a list of things and places one can't go in sweats. I am kind of a judgy-judgington about this.

  Alright, on that pompous note here's cats!

 This is Zeus being grumpy that I moved from the bed. He either sleeps above my pillow or between Chris and I . His latest thing is under the blankets during the arctic winter we've been having.

This is an older one of Ares with his cute little tongue, just hanging out. This was end of the the day of Free Comic Book Day. AKA nerd Christmas as you can see from the haul the big 'un is just chilling on. Ares is my  best pal to hang out with during the day. I feel less crazy talking to a cat than just myself.